FLEETING THOUGHTS THAT HAVE LONG BEEN UNPENNED

  If what I feel right now on the left side of my chest could portray my ruminations, words wouldn't have been necessary. Everytime I feel existential, think about life, the past we lived and the future it'll bring, I can't help but feel this way.  What a crazy thing to witness, right?! This life! Out of all the astronomical accidents, you were born and now have to make sense of this world. You eat, dream, fall in love, fall out of love, question yourself, have the first orgasm, indulge in your passion, be untruthful to yourself sometimes, get angry, feel sorry. Make friends, lose out friends, miss the ones you love, go to therapy, celebrate your biggest wins, keep your feelings to yourself, wish you could express them. I could go on and on, life is such a huge whirlwind of experiences.  A theater on this spinning rock of dirt, in this vast, dark, cold, grim cosmic void. What do I make of all these? What word do I use to describe these larger than life feeling...

I fail to understand why do people run away from the idea of death. We constantly seem to run away from it, when in fact we witness death everyday. Isn't death an integral part of life to acknowledge? When your loved one leaves you, does a part of you not die? Don't you die a little when a beautiful trip ends? Don't you taste death when you could've said something more but you kept it buried in your heart? Isn't death the thought of 'what could've been'? Isn't the 'bitter' in 'bittersweet' death? So why do we choose to ignore something so innate in us? Why?